I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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