his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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