every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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