so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
