I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize