she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
