On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
