Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
