I cannot find my penis.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
