Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.

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  (415): I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea. http://tfl.nu/t4nr
  Replies (32) Good night (1116) Bad night (4248)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.

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  (630): Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now. http://tfl.nu/6k12
  Replies (12) Good night (4178) Bad night (863)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  did you hook up at the wedding?

  (1-540): View more from Virginia

  No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.

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  (540): did you hook up at the wedding? (1-540): No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth. http://tfl.nu/7cxn
  Replies (30) Good night (1552) Bad night (3770)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!

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  (937): I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser! http://tfl.nu/qe5c
  Replies (36) Good night (1052) Bad night (5076)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.

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  (480): He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now. http://tfl.nu/isy9
  Replies (12) Good night (3944) Bad night (1530)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.

  (604): View more from British Columbia

  HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES

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  (519): He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid. (604): HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES http://tfl.nu/zs3p
  Replies (26) Good night (5314) Bad night (1504)
• Favorite

  (916): View more from California

  It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.

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  (916): It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness. http://tfl.nu/trjv
  Replies (4) Good night (2317) Bad night (800)
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  (310): View more from California

  Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.

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  (310): Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame. http://tfl.nu/5mgk
  Replies (6) Good night (1676) Bad night (1151)
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  (620): View more from Kansas

  And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.

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  (620): And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life. http://tfl.nu/jjq6
  Replies (15) Good night (2048) Bad night (753)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.

  (574): View more from Indiana

  No I didn't. Whiskey did.

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  (765): You wore a man's plastic top hat last night. (574): No I didn't. Whiskey did. http://tfl.nu/63th
  Replies (5) Good night (1950) Bad night (638)
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  (905): View more from Ontario

  My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.

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  (905): My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again. http://tfl.nu/lu9i
  Replies (9) Good night (832) Bad night (1126)
• Favorite

  (706): View more from Georgia

  Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?

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  (706): Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit? http://tfl.nu/7qwr
  Replies (6) Good night (1327) Bad night (440)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead

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  (603): The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead http://tfl.nu/vy0x
  Replies (5) Good night (462) Bad night (407)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does

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  (651): Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business". (651): I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does http://tfl.nu/4wrb
  Replies (0) Good night (496) Bad night (333)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  WHAT IS HAPPENING

  (1-724): View more from Pennsylvania

  A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.

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  (724): WHAT IS HAPPENING (1-724): A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US. http://tfl.nu/lbg7
  Replies (6) Good night (817) Bad night (343)

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