i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe