flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I am available for nakedness
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?