Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus

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(260): View more from Indiana

A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him

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(503): View more from Oregon

i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text

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(247): View more from

Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.

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These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Read it at the TFLN blog
(276): View more from Virginia

Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.

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(630): View more from Illinois

my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night

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(203): View more from Connecticut

I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.

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(502): View more from Kentucky

Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.

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