Texts From Last Night

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  (519): View more from Ontario

  i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep

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  (519): i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep http://tfl.nu/4gxk
  Replies (54) Good night (7540) Bad night (920)
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  (305): View more from Florida

  Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.

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  (305): Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level. http://tfl.nu/s74q
  Replies (5) Good night (2931) Bad night (868)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.

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  (615): Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night. http://tfl.nu/5pdk
  Replies (13) Good night (3948) Bad night (966)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma

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  (484): I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma http://tfl.nu/d8kr
  Replies (9) Good night (917) Bad night (3264)
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  (914): View more from New York

  We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.

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  (914): We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night. http://tfl.nu/ey4f
  Replies (6) Good night (2249) Bad night (1529)
• Favorite

  (504): View more from Louisiana

  He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.

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  (504): He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom. http://tfl.nu/xop2
  Replies (2) Good night (1528) Bad night (1004)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.

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  (612): Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home. http://tfl.nu/ms67
  Replies (3) Good night (1877) Bad night (738)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.

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  (920): If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it. http://tfl.nu/6xw0
  Replies (15) Good night (1385) Bad night (831)
• Favorite

  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.

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  (505): Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard. http://tfl.nu/5mz2
  Replies (17) Good night (3327) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (626): View more from California

  So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.

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  (626): So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential. http://tfl.nu/3n2i
  Replies (5) Good night (2709) Bad night (608)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"

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  (781): BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin" http://tfl.nu/ul1h
  Replies (14) Good night (499) Bad night (864)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.

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  (304): We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital. http://tfl.nu/hshf
  Replies (2) Good night (940) Bad night (300)
• Favorite

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (5) Good night (2601) Bad night (372)
• Favorite

  (612): View more from Minnesota

  did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?

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  (612): did you just take a shot to penises and friendship? http://tfl.nu/wdge
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (203)
• Favorite

  (520): View more from Arizona

  You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.

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  (520): You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee. http://tfl.nu/cxay
  Replies (1) Good night (260) Bad night (875)

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