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dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
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