We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
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she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
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Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him