Texts From Last Night

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  (305): View more from Florida

  You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter

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  (305): You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter http://tfl.nu/j7mv
  Replies (1) Good night (1576) Bad night (695)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.

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  (913): Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it. http://tfl.nu/o6yg
  Replies (16) Good night (3458) Bad night (1060)
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  (516): View more from New York

  I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love

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  (516): I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love http://tfl.nu/fo0q
  Replies (41) Good night (2539) Bad night (4408)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

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  (508): dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced. http://tfl.nu/9kh7
  Replies (23) Good night (977) Bad night (8785)
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  (818): View more from California

  Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.

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  (818): Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on. http://tfl.nu/cwci
  Replies (12) Good night (1035) Bad night (3471)
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.

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  (215): If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from. http://tfl.nu/hl9i
  Replies (6) Good night (3539) Bad night (795)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter

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  (425): In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter http://tfl.nu/la90
  Replies (5) Good night (3056) Bad night (1116)
• Favorite

  (817): View more from Texas

  Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!

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  (817): Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?! http://tfl.nu/9bqy
  Replies (10) Good night (2053) Bad night (822)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.

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  (319): I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can. http://tfl.nu/h4v8
  Replies (4) Good night (1658) Bad night (705)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME

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  (908): Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME http://tfl.nu/m336
  Replies (18) Good night (2602) Bad night (741)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit

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  (920): My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit http://tfl.nu/amcv
  Replies (1) Good night (1042) Bad night (453)
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  (410): View more from Maryland

  Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong

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  (410): Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong http://tfl.nu/3qt9
  Replies (2) Good night (770) Bad night (319)
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  (604): View more from British Columbia

  He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.

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  (604): He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween. http://tfl.nu/lx69
  Replies (0) Good night (329) Bad night (489)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?

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  (616): your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial? http://tfl.nu/h7zs
  Replies (1) Good night (460) Bad night (310)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos

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  (515): I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos http://tfl.nu/3cx3
  Replies (1) Good night (269) Bad night (378)

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