The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Randomize
