i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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