i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
