in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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