I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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