Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
