I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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