You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
