marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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