i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
