Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize