So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
