hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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