The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
