i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
