Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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