Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
