Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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