I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
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Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
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Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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