we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
