So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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