"it" just moved
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
