I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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