What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
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