My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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