I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
