So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
