took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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