I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Alive.
So much puke
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
