What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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