just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
