i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
