I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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