We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
