I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Randomize
