Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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