let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
