I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
