They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
