One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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