also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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