Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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