Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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