I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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