Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize
