just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize