Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
