break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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