We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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