So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
