Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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