So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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