I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
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17 year olds will be the death of me.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
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I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.