You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
