Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.