he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.