The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She bit a glass in half.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize