flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
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A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
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Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection